My hot yoga workout today was intense. I couldn't stop thinking about the past. I missed my old hubbie so much that I had to focus all my emotions into yoga. My back is aching right now. I keep thinking about the person who doesn't exist anymore. It's funny because I miss my old hubbie so much, that I don't even have the urge to call or message or to see the actual person. I've realized that the old him will never come back, and the person who he is now will never be the one I will love. Love has died because his old self has died too. I remember how he used to care so much about me when I was living at his house. He really loved me a lot and he treasured me, just like I treasured him. The fire will never come back because the person he has turned into is a self-obsessed, selfish, materialistic bitch. I remember when I was living at his house, he wouldn't care about brand names. He wouldn't care what people thought of him. He didn't care if he had to take the bus. He didn't care what people said about him. He would give up a lot for me. He would ride his bike in the rain to get me food, even though I said I wasn't hungry. He would buy me little desserts and little toys and actually plan some things to do with me. He was himself and that person taught me a lot about life and how to live and how I should be. He knew what he was doing and what he wanted. He knew that he could take care of me. I miss him so much, and by missing him, I mean the old him. Honestly, I don't give a fuck about him now. He's selfish and self-centred and he only cares about buying the best things in life when he can't even afford it. He could smoke till he dies for all I care. My feelings have 100% died at the moment. He could be a pot head or deal drugs or fuck himself up in skool and work for all I care. You know why? Because I know the old him would always know what's right and what's wrong. If the old him ever comes back, then maybe I would start caring again because then he would know how to care for himself and care for me as well. But I know for a fact that he will never come back. I remember the times where we were so happy and we used to do random stuff in his room all the time. I miss those times where we would do random funny shit in the washroom. I used to be a part of his world, not another object in his world. Either way, he will wake up one day and realize what's going on. As a third person's view in his life at the moment, I can only watch and notice his mistakes. I will never get myself involved because I honestly don't care. The old him would never let his other half worry. Whatever la. Life must go on! I am boy hunting for that similar feeling of how he treated me. It may not be the same, but the feeling should be similar. I haven't found it yet, but if I find something similar, then I will hold on to him and make sure he will never change. Life can ge very confusing, so rather than searching for it, I will wait for him. Life is always unexpected, so I must prepare myself for what's to come. I can't wait until the summer. Maybe I will bump into my prince at the beach. lolz. Goodnight Xanga.

I've been having muscle aches for the past few days, but I am continuing to go to Yoga everyday. Am I pushing myself too hard? I'm not doing yoga to loose weight, but I am doing yoga to relieve my anger and stress! Every time I step into the yoga room, I think about my problems, and I let it out on yoga no matter how much it hurts. My psychological pain hurts much more than my physical pain! After yoga, I am usually stress and anger free! It makes me so much more happier. The unhappy memories I accumulated every morning seem to be let out during yoga. So I shall continue until my body collapses! =) Let's hope that I am still physically fit to continue yoga everyday! Anyway, I was just mah jonging before at my own house with friends. Now it's really time for me to sleep! I am so happy to spoil myself and buy little stuff I like (like candy or dessert). Why didn't I do this before. Or let me rephrase, why hasn't anyone done this for me before to 'tum ngor hoi sum'. Instead, they do it because they did something wrong? These are some things that I would never understand. I am continuing to wait for my charming prince to sek ngor 1314! Where are you my darling? LOL. I sound so desperate, but I'm not. I am happy being single and being me! Nothing can change who I am, and I would never give myself up to anyone. Life can only get better and better for me. I've already hit rock bottom, and I learned to pick myself back up. I didn't run back to him to pick me up and I am proud of myself for that. He was never worth it because he is too greedy and selfish. I don't understand why I was so stupid back then! ARGH. Either way, I know he keeps feeling sorry for himself. But trust me, he should be thankful for everything. He shouldn't turn to anyone just because he hit rock bottom. Whatever. He relied on me too much, therefore he's used to relying on someone else. It's his own decision and his own loss for being such a jackass to me. But I was never mad. I was a good gf, and I am pretty sure he will never find someone like me again! Haha. I am still not understanding why I was so stupid back then!

If he were here, I think I would tell him this: I've finally accepted reality and I can truly tell you that I don't love you anymore because you don't exist! Old you has died so my feelings have died as well! The smart, understanding, and caring guy has left. The greedy, selfish, insecure, and self centered you remains. Please pick yourself back up and think twice about what you're doing. No one is there to help you but yourself=) I still wish you the best and all the happiness in the future. Some things money cannot buy.. Please remember that. Happiness is not an object.

As for ME, I am enjoying life so much! I think I want to go to the beach more this year and tan in my bikini like I've always wanted to do for the past 4 years! I'm so free just like my tattoo butterfly!! I think I am going to go to the intense 8:30 yoga class tomorrow. Or is that too late? I'm not sure. Maybe I should go to that yoga class, come back, shower, and then sleep. Life is so good with exercise. I feel so much more healthier and lighter! I feel like I can eat anything I want! LOL. I got to stop thinking about food! Instead of loosing 5 lbs, I'm going to gain 5 lbs. Haha. Either way, I know I am skinny at the moment. But losing my belly won't kill! An attractive body will match my attractive face=)